Let Them Eat Cake

As I pull in the drive-thru, I see a sign which says, “We May Be Out Of Some Of Your Favorite Items, Sorry For The Inconvenience.” My order goes like this:

          “I would like a Boffo Burger, medium fries and a large Coke.”

          “We are out of hamburger patties and have no straws for the soda.”

          “Ok, I’ll take three tacos, no fries, and I can live without the straw.

          “We are out of taco shells.”

          “Do you still have the taco meat filling?”

          “Yes.”

          “Then put it on a hamburger bun and add back the fries.”

          “Do you still want the soda?”

          “Only if it comes without a straw.”

          This is the apocalyptic world of pandemic and supply chain induced shortages. The greatest country on Earth is now mimicking Soviet bread lines. At the beginning of the Covid virus, everyone hoarded toilet paper and hand sanitizer. No shortage there now. Our garages are full of the stuff.

          However it’s the other items that are scarce or non-existent for long periods of time.  My local grocery is like a third world fun house. I’m there when they open at 6 am, but things aren’t looking up. No baking potatoes. Down to three heads of limp lettuce. Out of  biscuits, light yogurt and breakfast burros in the dairy case. No prune juice. (At our age my wife and I see it as a necessity). Finally, they do not have the cheap swill wine I normally drink, and I have to settle for an upscale bottle of chateau whatever.

          When I visit the drugstore, my prescription is delayed because my pills are on a Chinese container ship circling off of Long Beach. I figure I can at least get some basic multi-vitamins for seniors, but they now only have the gummy bear variety that taste like a fruit plate. On the way out, I plan to buy a Snickers bar, but it is on the same ship with the pills. Looks like we have outsourced everything.

          Not to be left out, the motor industry is experiencing a severe microchip shortage. Maybe the chip plants overseas have switched to producing toilet paper. No microchips equals no vehicle computers equals no new cars and trucks. This now jacks up the prices for “pre-owned” vehicles which will cost you an arm, a leg, and your left ear.  An early 2000 beater car with 95,000 miles for only $450 a month!

          As we maneuver through these turgid waters (a little homage to the ships off Long Beach), it’s helpful to remember that good times may not be far off. While Marie Antoinette literally lost her head after saying to the starving plebeians, “Let them eat cake,” Napoleon then came along and the salad days returned until Waterloo. Well, I’m just going to go recheck the grocery store. We really need prune juice.

Goodbye Old Friends

Despite the title, this is not a piece about ruminating on farewells to human acquaintances, rather it is an homage of sorts to inanimate objects that have played a perceived seminal role in our all but too short lives.  This remembrance was triggered by the difficult (for me) decision to part with a refrigerator that had chilled our food and drink for twenty-five years.

          We bought our first house in the mid 80s, and by the late 90s, needed a new frig for the kitchen. I purchased an almond color model from Sears since that’s where my generation had learned to shop for appliances. The refrigerator was basic, with a freezer compartment on top. It even had a small icemaker which was a luxury at the time. The fridge then became a garage staple in our second and third houses.

          Finally, it started loudly rumbling away with a compressor that ran constantly.  I knew the time had come, and surreptitiously began scouting for a replacement. Eventually, I found one that was the same size, and importantly, the same color, which they now call “bisque.”  Before the new one was delivered, I spent some difficult quiet time alone with old reliable, reminiscing on all the provisions it had stored and humbly thanking it for its long service.

          I had an ink jet printer that lasted eight years. Pretty amazing in this era of planned obsolescence.   That printer happily churned out reams of copy related to my college teaching: syllabi, assignment instructions, grammar rules and quizzes. When it started only accessing the photo tray, I knew it was time to move on. I didn’t have endless pictures that I wanted printed. So it was a sad leave taking, and the replacement printer needed ink cartridges twice as expensive.

          Our biggest love affair with a movable object may be the car. It is sometimes more a part of our lives than many humans. During my hippie years I had a black Rambler station wagon which I named The Wonder Wagon.  It was festooned with day glo decals of mushrooms, flowers and feet. Inside I had Indian print seat covers, and I burned incense on the dash. The guy I sold it to drove it too fast on the interstate and blew the engine. What a cruel demise. Over the years we owned a series of white mini-vans which we named Moby I, II, III, for Moby Dick the great white whale. Each had its own personality and was painful to part with after years of good riding. Our family did not believe in frequent trade ins. When we drove those vehicles, they became true family members, just like our pets. Parting was such sweet sorrow.

          Even clothing can have deep emotional resonance. I have a sweatshirt with my college logo that I have preserved for fifty years. It is tattered and faded, but the associated memories while wearing it at my alma mater will not let me consign it to the dust heap. I have even kept worn out running shoes which I retired after an active life traversing the roads of many neighborhoods.  I don’t retain jeans that will know longer fit my paunch, but I do have a couple of prized cowboy shirts where I am too big to now button the snaps. And ball caps. That’s a whole nother story.

Whether it’s a refrigerator, a printer, a vehicle, a sweat shirt or some other item, we form deep attachments with our “stuff.” What is the lesson in all this? While we cherish the things that have a beating heart, we also can get a noticeable lip tremble when we have to part with or retire our non sentient friends. These friends indeed made our lives fuller.