The Green Knight - A Movie About Nothing

The Green Knight is basically a movie about nothing. Just as Seinfeld was pitched as a show about nothing. The difference is, Seinfeld was brilliant while The Green Knight really does add up to nothing. I know the film is from the A24 studio which means quite obtuse and artsy fartsy, but that doesn’t excuse the cinematic failure.  The professional critics gave the film a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, but these are the same folks who go nuts over any Japanese film with French subtitles.

My own creds as an edgy cinephile should not be easily dismissed. I was an art house devotee during my hippie days in Bezerkley. I dug the French new wave and the films by Truffaut, Godard, and Bazin. I sat through Kurosawa’s samurai movies and pretended I understood Fellini’s symbolism. The foibles of youth, though these films soared in comparison to The Green Knight.

First, check out the basic plot of the 14th century poem “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight,” based on the Arthurian legends. Sir Gawain chops off the Green Knight’s head; the Green Knight says he will return the favor in a year.  After the year, Gawain is wearing a magic belt to protect him from harm. The Green Knight nicks Gawain’s neck with the axe, but doesn’t kill him and tells Gawain he should have been honest about wearing that belt. Gawain is kinda ashamed, but the Green Knight sends Gawain on to Camelot with chivalric best wishes. The knights of the round table welcome Gawain back and decide to also wear a similar belt because their boy Gawain is “the dude.”    

          The film version is a dumpster fire fueled by a weird synthesizer  soundtrack that sounds like angry bees. If you don’t already know the 80 page poem in Old English, you are in deep doo doo. Sir Gawain (Dev Patel) has all these adventures that have no understandable connective context. Hell, little of it is in the actual poem. Gawain gets mugged; loses his horse, sword and axe: hangs out with this beheaded chick; is constantly followed by a talking red fox; runs into naked giants, stays in this castle with a noble guy, an old blind lady and then gets seduced by the guy’s hot to trot wife (Alicia Vikander ) who mumbles inaudibly and gives Gawain the magic protective belt which Gawain gladly takes off at the end so the Green Knight can then take off Gawain’s head. The end.

          Bad story line. In the poem, Gawain lives happily ever after. But in the film Gawain has to die because he realizes his whole life has been crap, and the sun is never going to come out anyway. Talk about a major bummer. No upside to sitting through two hours of maudlin self-flagellation. Dev should go back to the brightness of Slumdog Millionaire and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. At least they let him crack a smile.

          Finally, the professional critics are having the vapors over the “stunning” cinematography. If your idea of effective cinematography is the equivalent of hanging a ten watt bulb in a dark closet, then have at it. Fifty shades of grey. I think the sun almost peeked out when Gawain was about to croak. As far as great cinematography goes, David Lean’s Lawrence of Arabia this ain’t. Even the dark palette of Apocalypse Now made sense and garnered a deserved Oscar. The Green Knight is like being stuck in Ohio during a dreary winter.

          This movie was four hours of my life which I will never get back; two hours for the movie, two hours for this pithy analysis.  Instead, I could have gone to Jungle Cruise and fixated on Dwayne Johnson’s ripped biceps.

Life is too Short to Drink Sour OJ

My predilection has been to muscle through food groups that are on the edge of their sanitary shelf life.  After all, I paid for them. So drink the orange juice, even if it has begun to sour. Eat that stale bread which is just on the edge of mold. Cut out the soft brown/black spots on apples and bananas. Hey, critters would eat the whole thing. Well, no more with the spoiled food. At my age, with ninety percent of personal history in the rear view mirror, I’m putting my foot down. Life is short. If it doesn’t impact others, then I’m just goin’ to do, what I’m goin’ to do and get a Super Frappa something at the closest Starbucks..

          So I get this weird letter from the IRS, saying they need information about my last tax return, without telling me what information is required. I try calling the number they provide, and an electronic voice tells me to call back in five days when there may be an agent available. I go on the IRS website, and am told to register by first providing the most sensitive information about my poor pathetic life. I click out. Send Treasury agents if you want the info that bad.

          It’s my bedtime. Suddenly, all the Amazon echo devices in the house begin pulsating with a puke green circle. What the hell? I tell Alexa to stop; nothing happens. I unplug the units and then plug them back in. Same green circle. I go on the internet, says I have a call from someone. I tell Alexa, “Cancel the call!” She says there is NO call.  Desperate, I say, “ALEXA, WHY ARE YOU PULSATING PUKE GREEN?” Alexa tells me I have a “notification.” So I say, “Alexa, notification.” Her honey toned voice responds, “Amazon has an amazing deal for you on Ginzu steak knives.” I immediately disable Alexa being able to talk to me about anything but my music choices. Life is short.

          I get a new rattling noise in our mini-van. Sounds like a small fury creature is coughing up something in the glove box. Can’t figure it out. Go to online forums. Ah Ha! It’s a broken thingamajig, connected to the whatchamacallit behind the vacuum server unit. Right. Folks on the forum say take care of the problem now before the vehicle warranty runs out because the dealership is going to have to dismantle half of your van to replace the costly unit, and it will probably take a week. In a previous life I would have made a repair appointment that day, but I have six months left on the warranty, and for now I’d rather replace the lawn sprinklers. At least it gets me outdoors.

          I search online for a specific tan ceramic pot. The big box store near me is out, but they have two tan ones and five purple ones (yuk!) at a sister store fifteen miles away. Aisle 16 – shelf 3. I confidently drive to the sister store, envisioning the tan pot filled with a cavalcade of flowers. I go to aisle 16, ceramic pots. No tan ones, just the five purple. First impulse is to berate a store “associate” for their screwed up inventory count.  However, I slowly re-program my expectations and decide that with the right greenery, I can live with purple. Life is short. Don’t sweat the small stuff unless you’re in Florida in August with 95% humidity.

Breathing Space

Well, is it over? Can we put Covid-19 in the dustbin of pandemic history? Unfortunately not. It may be around for a long time with new variants popping up.  However, by and large, the people of the good old US of A have decided that enough is enough. It’s time to live again. Vaccines and potential herd immunity provide some breathing space (pun intended) to once again experience a semblance of normality. Most mask mandates have been relaxed, and being closer than six feet to someone is not viewed as an automatic death sentence.

          The experience of coming out on the other side of this pandemic can be both disconcerting and liberating.  I don’t have to see as many people driving with masks on, which was disconcerting.  I can now walk in a grocery store without fogging up my glasses from being double masked. This is liberating. The lady walking her dog with masks on both she and Fifi, that was disconcerting. Not having to match a colorful variety of masks to my daily ensemble, very liberating.

          And, I am finally allowed to sit down in my favorite fast food joint after enduring drive through for over a year. The clock ticks as the masked guy in front of me, driving a clapped out mini-van, is ordering for a family of eight, who are deathly afraid to leave the house. Frequently, I was not getting what I ordered. “I’ll take the Super Stack Cheeseburger, with large fries, onion rings and a chocolate shake.” When I get home the bag contains three tacos, potato wedges and a breakfast croissant. Now I can happily sit in the place’s air conditioned comfort, with the correct order, while Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” blares from the speaker system.

           However, it will still take a few months to go through all of the toilet paper stacked in my garage. Ditto the twenty bottles of hand sanitizer that I scoured grocery shelves for.  Heck, I even hoarded refried beans when there was an intermittent kink in the supply chain. During the height of the pandemic, finding a twelve pack of Diet Dr. Pepper was like striking gold. Now I can pass by restocked soda aisles without furtive glances at empty shelves

          There are still holdouts where masks are de rigueur.  You can’t enter a doctor or dentist office without a face covering. But it can be hell getting your teeth cleaned while wearing a mask. Now, in many medical situations, if you pull the mask just below your nose, they probably won’t consign you to the nether regions.  However, on an airplane you better have that sucker slapped squarely on your face; especially make sure your two year-old has that Mickey mask firmly attached.

          I have gotten both of my vaccine shots, surviving the second dose without every bone in my body creaking like a rusty door hinge. The signs on most establishments now give you a mask pass if you’ve submitted to the needle. However, it’s obviously an honor system. If you are a virulent anti-vaxxer, you can walk right into the store mask less while giving the clerk the fickle finger of fate. I really feel for the clerks in these stores, who are still required to wear unattractive masks while the patrons are mostly breathing God’s free air without a filter.

          I guess I can now take down the Plexiglas shields that separate family members at the kitchen table, and maybe my many masks can be turned into a colorful quilt commemorating a lost year where survival hinged on toilet paper and refried beans. Ain’t life grand.

Memorial Day 2021

(commemorated Memorial Day May 31)

On this Memorial Day as we remember both those who have given the ultimate sacrifice and those who have served, it is appropriate to look back in history.

Eighty years ago the United States was about to be thrown into the terrible cauldron that was World War II. Since the Nazi invasion of Poland in September 1939, the United States had maintained a neutral stance towards the war in Europe. However, we were, in fact, supplying Britain and Russia with needed materials to fight the Nazi menace, and beginning in September 1941, the American Navy helped escort merchant ships across the Atlantic. In the Pacific, there were continued war rumblings as Japan sought to expand its empire in the quest for a constant supply of needed raw materials.

          The United States in the spring of 1941 was still ill prepared for engaging in a world wide military conflict. Following World War I the size of the American military was drastically reduced. As the world slipped into depression, the forces were reduced even further. By 1936 the Regular Army had been reduced to 110,000 with roughly 225,000 National Guard. Budget expenditures were cut drastically. The size of the Navy had also been greatly limited by budget constraints and international treaties that dictated minimal navy ship construction. In short the United States had only the seventeenth largest military in the world, smaller than that of Portugal.

          By late 1940, with American military involvement looming, The United States had instituted a draft and our industrial might was slowly awakening. Also by December 1941 America's armed forces had grown to nearly 2.2 million soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines. However, the country still largely had an isolationist perspective whose proponents hoped we could avoid “foreign entanglements.”  December 7th, 1941 changed all of that. The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor propelled the United States into a horrific worldwide conflict that for us lasted almost four long years.

          In the European theater, the Allies drove through North Africa, battled up the boot of Italy, and landed in France on D-Day while the Russians fought on the Eastern Front. In the Pacific, American forces island hopped towards Japan while MacArthur’s forces liberated the Philippines.

          By the end of the war in 1945, an astounding 16,000,000 American men and women served as soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen. This number included my grandfather, father, father-in-law and two uncles; who served in both the Pacific and European theaters. Because of the huge amount of war materials produced by our industrial base, the United States was aptly known as “The Arsenal of Democracy.” This response to Japanese and German aggression came at a great price. The human cost of war dwarfs other statistics. In World War II an estimated 75 million people perished. 3% of the world population at that time.  The war in the Pacific and in the Western theater claimed nearly 406,000 U.S. military deaths.  Lives lost on land, sea and in the air. American treasure spilled to ensure that the tenets of our liberties would not soon be extinguished.

          We honor those, who throughout our history, have been willing to vigorously defend democratic concepts that too much of the world ignores or actively seeks to suppress. Even in our country today, there are those who would choke off those precious rights in our Constitution that were bought by the blood of patriots. No nation, founded on principles of equality, justice and individual rights, can long survive a sustained attack on its core principles whether from without or within. This Memorial Day we look back to those whose lives were given for the greatest good. We look forward to those willing to sustain the fragile flame of freedom regardless of the cost. May God continue to bless the United States of America.

Korea "The Forgotten War"

This piece was published on Veterans Day 2020 in the Arizona Daily Star

Lt. Col. (Ret.) Robert Matte Jr.

On Veterans Day it is appropriate to remember those who fought in Korea during the “Forgotten War,” So named because it is seen as a mere sideshow to Word War II and the Vietnam conflict. But it was not a sideshow. Seventy years ago on June 25, 1950, some 75,000 soldiers from the North Korean People’s Army crossed the 38th parallel with the intent of overrunning the Republic of Korea in the south. North Korea was a Soviet puppet state that was established after WW II when the Korean peninsula was divided between the Russian and American Forces.

          U.S. Secretary of State Dean Acheson once said, “If the best minds in the world had set out to find us the worst possible location in the world to fight this damnable war, the unanimous choice would have been Korea.” By July, American troops had entered the war to try to save the South. “If we let Korea down,” said President Harry Truman, “the Soviets will keep right on going and swallow up one place after another.” This was going to be a war against the forces of international communism. During the conflict, Twenty-one countries of the United Nations eventually contributed to the UN force, but the United States provided 90% of the combat troops.

          Initially, American troops were poorly prepared for the fight. There had been a great demobilization of U.S. troops after WWII and as a result preparedness and training had suffered. By early September 1950, American and South Korean troops has been pushed to the brink and were holding a small defensive perimeter near Pusan in the south.  Then in late September, General Douglas MacArthur launched an amphibious counter invasion in the north at the port of Incheon near Seoul, the capital of South Korea. The North Korean invaders were trapped between two UN forces and those not destroyed, retreated to North Korea.

          The end of the war? Not so. UN forces drove to the border between North Korea and China at which point the Chinese Army attacked in October and drove UN troops back into South Korea. My father, Robert G. Matte, a career army officer who had fought in WWII, was one of thousands quickly dispatched to Korea. He was awarded the Air Medal and Bronze Star for flying in a storm, at night, in a small scout helicopter to reconnoiter the location of Chinese troops.

Eventually, there was a stalemate in the fighting back at the 38th parallel where the war had begun. Finally the fighting ended, and the Korean Armistice Agreement was signed on 27 July 1953. American forces have provided a protective buffer between the two countries ever since.

          In this “forgotten war” nearly 40,000 Americans died in action in Korea, and more than 100,000 were wounded. They are now remembered at the Korean War Veterans Memorial near the Lincoln Memorial on the National Mall in Washington, D.C.

          Hopefully, when folks hear about the Korean War they will understand that it was much more than a TV show called M*A*S*H with characters named Hawkeye, Trapper John, Radar, and Hot Lips Houlihan. The price for our freedoms is often steep, and those who fought at places such as Pusan, Incheon, Pork Chop Hill and the Chosin Resevoir, deserve all the honor we can give.